You could say, “Why did you go through my phone? Did I do something to make you mistrust me?” or “Lately, I’ve been feeling like things are different between us. Has something been bothering you?” If you’ve cheated in the past, she may have reason to worry. Say, “I know I hurt you before, but that’s in the past. We can’t move forward if you don’t trust me at least a little bit. Tell me what I can do to reassure you. " It’s actually pretty common for people to check their partner’s phones. In a 2012 study, 2 out of 3 people reported checking their partner’s phone behind their back. [2] X Research source
She isolates you from friends and family. She criticizes you a lot. She uses threats and guilt to get her way. She accuses you of things you didn’t do. She won’t let you have time alone. She picks fights but then plays the victim.
Say something like, “I know you went through my phone last night. I feel really disrespected and hurt. What you did is wrong. ” You could also start a conversation by saying, “The only way you could know what’s in my text messages is if you read them. That’s such a massive invasion of my privacy. How would you feel if I went through your texts?”
You could say, “You might think this is no big deal, but what you did is actually illegal. You basically hacked my phone, and that’s not okay. "
You could say, “We need to trust each other if our relationship is going to work. I won’t go through your phone, and you shouldn’t go through mine. ” Tell your girlfriend this is a boundary for you. Say, “I keep my phone private, and I need you to respect that. If you don’t trust me, I may need some space to think about our relationship. "
When you’re snooping, there’s an assumption the other person could be doing something wrong. Over time, this can make you more suspicious. If your partner wants to share passwords, say, “I will always be open and honest with you, and I’m fully committed to our relationship. However, I’m not comfortable with you snooping through my phone. I think it will hurt our relationship. ” If you’ve cheated before, say, “I know you’re worried I’m going to cheat again. I totally understand why, but I feel like letting you snoop through my phone is going to be a step backwards. "
If she asks to read your texts, say, “Our relationship is really important to me, and I want you to feel secure. Having said that, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go through each other’s texts. I’m not doing anything inappropriate, and I need you to trust me. ”
For example, your coworker might text you something like, “See you later!” You know this is totally innocent, but it can look suspicious to your girlfriend. Similarly, a female friend who’s planning a group hangout might text something like, “What are you doing Saturday?” to find out if you can go. Your girlfriend might perceive this as your friend hitting on you, even though it’s totally innocent.
Start by asking something like, “Why do you want to go through my phone?” “What do you think you’ll find on my phone?” or “Are you worried about our relationship?” Reassure her by saying something like, “I care about you so much and want our relationship to work. You don’t need to worry about us. ” If your girlfriend has been cheated on in the past, she’ll likely be extra worried it might happen again. Talk to her about her concerns and what triggers her to worry. Then, try to avoid things that might make her think you’re cheating. For example, she may worry if you go a long time without texting. If so, you could tell her if you’ll be away from your phone for a while and why.
Don’t use important dates or numbers that your girlfriend could know. You might turn on face ID or thumb print ID if your phone has these features. However, keep in mind this will be ineffective if your girlfriend lives with you or stays the night, as she could just wait until you’re asleep to access your phone.
If you prefer, you can turn off notifications for some apps but not others. While under “Notifications” in your phone’s settings, click on the app name. At the top of the screen, you’ll see a toggle to turn off notifications. Click the toggle to switch them to “off. ”[11] X Research source
